So Nate from Finding Truth called me out last week on my own blog:
he said…“I’m not even sure that calling you a theist is even all that accurate at this point…”
And I replied to him saying…“i still consider myself a christian, but in belief…ur probably correct. I find myself more and more disinterested in the typical christian sermon…In fact I caught myself rolling my eyeballs (to what I felt what was rubbish) on I think was youtube or moody radio. I can’t remember exactly what i was listening too, but the feeling of wanting to listen to something else.”
So, Now I’m faceing my own truth. I can no longer look in the mirror and honestly call myself a bible believing christian, because in all honesty I don’t believe any of it. I tried to stay balanced and post something pro-christian and pro-atheist. (But to no effect, did it have on my own doubt.) I find myself enjoying lectures by Bart Ehrman more than listening to any sermon or reading my bible.
So I decided to call my sister up, to tell her about my unbelief. I said to her, “Hey, I want to tell you something, and I wanna kinda see your reaction for when I tell other people. –I said I no longer believe in christinity, I no longer believe in the christian god, I no longer believe in the bible.”
she asked why of course, and told her it was all the fundamental problems with the bible and that there were too many of them for me to believe it anymore.
Now there was a little more to the conversation.
But she was actually happy for me…I think she was she just happy I am no longer a christian nutbag.
Who to tell next:
1. Sister 2. Wife 3. Pastor and Church 4. Parents 5. Christian Friends 6. Christian Co-workers
The BitterSweet End 
Heh-heh. No longer a Christian nutbag, Hah!!
On a serious note, what about Thomas Aquinas? I have some trouble following him at times, but I’m doing it alone. If you’re interested in kicking any serious thought around let me know.
I think Ehrman is real interesting also. AND OMG! sermons are soooOoooOOoo boring.
well actually on the sermon note its not that bad, (lately) because when I goto church on Wednesday nights I work with Awanas which is a little club for the kids to make them memorize verses.
And lately on the past two sundays I’ve had to work in the back with the youth.
However this weekend I have a youth conference this weekend, I’m still dreading listening to two days of sermons. And I can’t play on my phone during the messages, cause I told the kids, not to be playing on their phones. I would say pray for my sanity, but I don’t think it would have any effect. J/K
I remember being at the stage you’re in My husband knew of my struggles but it was still huge to sit him down and say out loud that I couldn’t call myself a Christian anymore. And I also had to tell my older children – which was almost more difficult because they didn’t know of my doubts. And then came the day further down the road when I said out loud that I was an atheist. Huge and difficult moments but freeing at the same time. Let us know how things are going.
thanks Brenda,
I’ve been able to admit to myself that I don’t believe any of it. Now comes the hard part in telling people. And I’m trying to decide if I need to tell everyone or just my wife.
I’ve got to say that I find sermons boring too – not sure there are many who don’t actually. But I’m sorry it has come to this for you. Of course, better to be honest than dishonest. And of course I still wish you the best.
My heart aches a little for you. The title of your blog really grabbed ahold of my heart. But the photo you use seems that you’re in a peaceful place, with shade trees, and sheep, nice wooden guard rail…very peaceful and pastoral. That’s a reflection of where you are. I share a lot of your concerns about the Bible. I’ve been battling some of those same issues for 40+ years now. But I’m desperate to hold onto my faith in Jesus. I’ve come to the point where I can disregard all the bible issues, which for me means basically ignore the ugly, illogical, mythical, crude and murderous parts, and still find some strength from the God I see reflected in Jesus. May I ask, what do YOU do with Jesus. Is there a sort of love relationship that you’ve developed with Him through your years of reading? Please hear me ask this as just a simple inquiry. There’s not a sermon from me in the making. I’d just like to hear what you’re doing with Jesus. That is, if you have the time and inclination to address my question. Either way, I’m glad I found your site. It’s already been a tremendous help in my own struggle with a possible “Bittersweet End”. Thanks!
Hello Jack, thanks for ur comments, sorry it took so long for me to get back to you, but just alot going on at chruch the past few days, that had me mentally distracted.
But in reply to comments….Yes, the ministry position I’m in is awesome and I love doing it. However thats why the blog is considered the bittersweet end, because even though I enjoy church, the word, and the fellowship, in spite of all that, I will eventually have to come to an end, because of the level of doubt- skepticism, and unbelief.
But in regards to your question, what do you with Jesus?
Treat him like, you would treat any Charlatan
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charlatan
We are so walking some of the same paths in this journey. Just curious, does your wife have any idea where you are at this point? I’ve given my wife very vague hints about where I’m at right now concerning god and my doubts, but nothing specific since I can only imagine how she would respond.
sorry it took me so long to respond to your question, Qf..
I would say no she has no clue. I think whenever She sees anything on my blog about inerrancy, atheism, or early church history, I think she just assumes it me doing my own personal study on apologetics, because I have been telling her about apologetics conversations at work. or that I’m just preparing something for the youth.
I’ve tried to ask her questions, just to gauge her reaction in case I did tell her, but question or indicator I use gives me the impression that it won’t go over well when I do let her know.
Hi QF, do you mind if I ask why you haven’t discussed your doubts more with your wife. Are you not used to discussing such things with her? Do you think she couldn’t deal with it? Do you think she may be able to provide some good feedback?
Biblereader,
I’ve been thinking about this post a bit, and I must say I’m a little confused. I understand you believe that christianity requires an inerrant Bible, and once that’s gone, your faith is gone – I don’t agree with you, but I understand. But surely there was more to your faith than that? Has that all gone as well? For example:
1. I presume you used to think that God was the cause of the universe existing, and that without God, there is no reasonable explanation for it? Has that belief also gone? Do you now think the universe could have caused itself or come into existence without a cause? And the “fine-tuning” of the universes laws and initial conditions, do you now think that is just a lucky accident?
2. I presume you also used to think that without God, we have no way of knowing in any objective sense what is morally right and wrong? Has that belief gone too now? Do you believe there is no objective right and wrong? Or do you think we can know objectively what is right and wrong without God?
3. Finally, you obviously used to believe in Jesus, and I presume you thought that his life was well-attested historically, and that his life showed he was divine and worthy of being followed? Does that all count for nothing now? Do you think he didn’t exist now? Or maybe that he isn’t the admirable person you used to think? Or perhaps something else?
I can fully understand having doubts about the Bible, but it still seems surprising to me that doubts about one aspect of faith can lead to disbelief about many other aspects. Or have I understood you wrongly?
Best wishes.
hello unklee,
Well as to your first two questions/statements after having the atheist challenge, I thought those two issues would be hard to reconcile in a godless world, but I now no longer think that. And some of the answers in the atheist challenge helped in confirming my hesitation in that area.
As for jeus and my faith. my faith has always been ground to the bible, because any doubts or questions I had were usually gone when ever I opened my bible or reconciled my thoughts to the bible. It was my guiding light in my faith. Without I don’t understand how a christian can see which is the right path. To me it is what holds much (not all) of christianity together. It was my understanding of faith, the holy spirit and love. It is was taught me what christainity was about. Take that away, I become a soldier without a sword.
so as to Jesus been historically real, I can only assume what most scholars already do which is…yes he was a real man, but not a god.
OK, thanks for that reply. I can’t see how anyone can think the atheist answer to the origin of the universe and its design is anything but a desperate rearguard action, but I don’t think we should discuss it here. But I would be interested to see you blog about it sometime. Best wishes.
Hey QF,
I do think you should tell her, don’t be like me, cause I’ve realized now, that the longer the time that goes by, – leads me to believe the harder it will be.
Also because I have waited so long, instead of us going through this process together as husband and wife….she now has to go through by herself, cause I have already have. And because of that, it will probably be much rougher for us as a couple because we are doing it separate instead of together.
Hi BR,
I’ve been where you are. It took me 3 years to get to the point where I told my wife. Even then it was only because we moved house and so looked for a new church to attend. It was fear that held me back.
As it happens she already had a better idea than I realised and the conversation wasn’t as difficult as I feared.
Obviously the ideal is to be open and honest from the start. However real life often doesn’t work like that.
I wish you well on your journey.
thanks limey
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