Later on at the Conference there was separate meeting for us Youth Leaders and Youth Pastors. In the leaders’ meeting I met several other youth leaders and pastors from local churches that are part of our same Calvary Chapel denomination. It was great, I told them about our church and youth. The ups and downs. The trials and tribulations. A very enjoyable conversation if I had to describe it.
So as I was talking to these Youth Leaders, I felt myself getting emotionally carried away in these discussions. Because I was telling the other leaders how I wanted to start a young adult’s ministry at our church, but I was worried about being overburden and burning myself by doing two ministries. We were talking about things like coordinating events, like a youth retreat. We even invited them to one of our events on a Friday night. I found myself talking and planning ideas for the future with the other youth leaders, almost forgetting that in a month I may not be here. But acted and talked like I would.
After the conversation and some prayer with the other leaders; the guilt from being deceptive and misleading in my faith and Christianity soon started to catch up to me. But as soon as it arrived, quickly faded into the night at the concert.
The Bitter Sweet Concert…In all honesty this was a long and somewhat dry concert. I knew it, and you could see it on the face of our youth. I tried not to show it, but it didn’t matter because you could see the bored and frustrated look on a lot of people’s faces. However there was one bright spot to the concert. There was a Christian rapper that performed at the concert, which I knew of at the concert. And I was familiar with his music. And ever since I became a Christian, -Christian rap has been my preference. I have found it to be the most entertaining, authentic, doctrinally sound and Christ centered music out of all the different genres of Christian music. (And to be honest, I was not that much into rap before I became a Christian.)
So when the Christian rap came on, I got excited and started jumping around in the so-called mosh pit in the front of the stage. At first the kids kind of thought I was a little weird and crazy, but when they realized that there was about 60-70 other kids doing the same exact thing I was doing in the mosh pit, they started to loosen up and have a little fun. I felt like a young Christian again. Since my wife and I have kids, I haven’t had a chance to go to a Christian concert like this and fun has in almost 4 years. So I was so excited and sweaty.
But then the music stops, and the song was over. And the doubt, skepticism, and unbelief were still there. And as fun as the music was, in my heart I knew it was all just a lie. I knew none of it was real.
It was just another BitterSweet moment.