Expression of Unbelief

For the most part this entire process has been nearly painless.  (Which is probably due to the reason that I have not told a soul except my sister.)  Yeah there have been a few restless nights, with me tossing and turning with my emotions being all stirred up.  The restless nights of doubt and skepticism running through my mind.  The migraines of over-thinking of trying to rationalize my faith with reason and logic.  The guilt of no longer believing.

Like I said all internal; but once I came to the realization that the Bible is too inconsistent and contradictory to be reliable.  And that the concept of the Biblical God is too flawed for him to actually exist.  And that there is life after Christianity.  Everything inside of me emotionally and mentally settled, but for the most part this was the extent to my emotional turmoil; (like I said -mostly trouble-free.)

But now I must face the reality of telling my family, friends, and my church brethren.

Now when I see one of the Youth or Parents of the Youth it breaks my heart to be deceiving them.

And I know now, that if don’t express my internal skepticism now it will only be more difficult in the future, because the church is now starting a Young Adults Group, with people already expecting me to attend the meeting in support.  The pastor is already talking about having an official ordination in August, so that way my title will be officially Youth Pastor instead of Youth Leader.

I can almost see the future, and if I don’t express the unbelief inside me now; -It will only be worst in the future.

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About M. Rodriguez

When I first received Christ salvation, I made it a priority to read the whole bible and I did. But it was the Bible that made me question my faith. For I found it flawed and lacking. Due to this I launched a personal inquiry/investigation into my faith, and ultimately realized that the Christian God of the Bible was indeed man-made. Now I Blog about those findings and life after Christ.
This entry was posted in deceived, fraud, life, religion, skeptic, skepticism, unbelief and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Expression of Unbelief

  1. D'Ma says:

    Oh, my. That will be a difficult transition. I can only imagine the turmoil leading up to it and the aftermath. I admire your courage.

  2. Obviously, it is time to begin planning an exit strategy…speaking from experience, once you are deeper into it, it will be much harder to get out. The whole idea of ordination is a new level of commitment that ties you down even more and will cause you to “spiritually” drown in the state you are in. Got you in my thoughts!

    • I am. I’m trying to determine how first to tell my wife, and then how to my pastor and then if it so necessary to tell anyone else.

      But after much consideration I feel after much thought that I am going to have to tell others but cause. I am known as a Christian. And I don’t feel like lying or deceiving anyone else

  3. dsholland says:

    What I was trying to say is that it should be no surprise to you if you want to minister you need to learn what it means to trust. How can you provide help to someone who has lost all hope if you have not learned to rely on the one who provides that hope. Why should you think you would be exempt?

    How obvious is it this is exactly what the story calls for if its true?

    We do find what we seek. There will always be enough evidence to sustain your belief which ever belief you choose. History proves this again and again.

    Choose well.

  4. limey says:

    ouch. I sympathise with your predicament.

    From the outside it certainly seems clear that doing what is expected of you is the wrong thing.

    I hope your next decision goes well.

  5. Wow you are in a difficult position. When I left my position at the church I was still a beliver but questioning. I felt it unfair and wrong to teach children when I myself was having doubts. I wrote my director an email resigning my position because they were fixing to make my responsibilities more. I did not tell her of my doubts and I left the church shortly after.

    It will definatly be harder the further in you get. I wish you best of luck in the hard decisions you are faced with.

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