Bible Study with the Wife

So the Wife came up with the idea, of going through the entire bible together over the course of a year.  I generally try to avoid all religious topics and questions unless she brings it up.  So at first was like I don’t think that would be a good idea.  But she was somewhat insistent.  And I tried to probe for why she wanted to do this.  However she really never gave me a straight answer why, nonetheless because she kept insisting on the idea I gave in and gave it a shot. 

So I asked her, which book she wanted to start at.  She replied, “Well let’s start in the beginning- Genesis and spend 30 minutes a day just going through it and talking about it.” 

My reply, “I don’t think that would be a good idea, let’s start with something that is not so controversial like Psalms, Proverbs, or Ecclesiastes.  I would say let’s do Ephesians and Galatians.  Something with less controversial difficulties.”  But in the end, she stuck with her guns, and we started in Genesis 1. 

How did it go you ask?

Round 1- Agnostic Atheist Husband Vs. Fundamentalist Evangelical Wife

  • I went on a tangent about all the scientific impossibilities of a 6 day creation (i.e. liquid water with no sun, light but sunlight, moon being a dimmer light.).  And then I demonized the egocentric mindset that God created everything for us and that we are center of the universe.  And how that has reflected erroneously in human history. 

Let’s just say, we were supposed to go through three chapters.  We barely made it out of Genesis 1.  I don’t think we will be doing anymore bible studies together.

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About M. Rodriguez

When I first received Christ salvation, I made it a priority to read the whole bible and I did. But it was the Bible that made me question my faith. For I found it flawed and lacking. Due to this I launched a personal inquiry/investigation into my faith, and ultimately realized that the Christian God of the Bible was indeed man-made. Now I Blog about those findings and life after Christ.
This entry was posted in agnostic, atheist vs christian, bible study, biblical difficulties, Common Sense, creation, emotions and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to Bible Study with the Wife

  1. Nate says:

    Sorry it didn’t go so well. However, the idea of a Bible study might not be that bad of an idea. I’m not sure how your initial conversation went with her, so maybe you’ve already covered some of this. But I would suggest having a Bible study that lets you show her why you have problems with the Bible. I mean, you already know what she believes and why she believes it, because you used to believe the same thing. But she doesn’t really understand your position yet. So see if she would be open to looking through passages with you and letting you explain why you have problems with some of them.

    For me, the Book of Daniel was the first thing that began to make me uneasy. Since I came to my wife about it early on, we ended up reading through the issues together. Instead of making that me against her, it put us on the same team of examining the issues together. In fact, if she’s open to it, it would be best for the two of you to look at someone else’s writings on these things so that you’re not the one presenting it. You can just examine the arguments together.

    My wife and I read the articles on the Book of Daniel that I reposted on my own site a few months ago. Since I didn’t write them, it didn’t set us at odds with one another.

    Anyway, different people react to this stuff differently. But I think the fact that she wants to study with you is a good thing. If you can help direct that study a bit more, it may pay off. Maybe…

    Either way, good luck.

    • M. Rodriguez says:

      I think maybe one day, we try to back through the scriptures, but as of right now. noway. She really hasn’t even read my six segments of what I found wrong with the bible and christianity that caused me to nolonger believe.

      I think she has only read 2 or 3.

  2. exrelayman says:

    I think in your post you meant to say “light but NO sunlight”.

    I agree with your assessment that avoiding the topic might be your best option. Of course that may not be a workable one either.

    I would advise sticking strictly to the the words of the Bible vs contradicting words of the Bible or vs good science. The creation sequence of Gen 1 vs Gen 2 is a nice opportunity. Where the population of Nod came from is an issue also. Going into egocentric mindsets, psychology, etc. is sure to be profitless. After all, we don’t like being told that we are angry at God, do we?

    Just tossing out a few thoughts in response to your post, and wishing you both well.

  3. Recovering Agnostic says:

    You’re going to know best about your situation, but I think it’s important to keep having conversations like this. It doesn’t need to be just like this, but you need to be able to understand each other’s point of view, and to respect it.

    I’m all too aware (as I’m sure you are) of the strain that’s put on a marriage when beliefs change. The best way I can see of mitigating that is to keep lines of communication open and discuss everything openly and honestly. That may be hard or unproductive, but I think it’s important.

    Just my opinion, for what it’s worth.

    • M. Rodriguez says:

      thats what I am trying to do, but its hard when prior to all this, we talked about our faith, christianity, and God probably 45% of the time. That was our #1 thing we had in common. Now when you take that away, its like we are starting from scratch.

  4. unklee says:

    I too am sympathetic to your situation – and hers. And I agree with those who say that any discussion has to try to avoid confrontation and work on cooperation. Just like internet discussions between atheists and christians, it is often best to ask questions, state your viewpoint mildly rather than strongly, only tackle the clearest issues and not the more problematic ones, etc.

    For example, this statement is (if I understand you) based on a misunderstanding:

    “I demonized the egocentric mindset that God created everything for us and that we are center of the universe.”

    The medieval christians did indeed see the earth as the centre of the universe, and I daresay the Jews did also. But to the medievals, this was the lowest place, not the highest. To them, God or the gods were up in the heavens, the earth was much lower down and unimportant, and the only place lower (and more central) was hell under the earth. As far as I know, it wasn’t all that different for the Hebrews.

    I have said all along that I think many of your objections to christian belief are based on your own misunderstandings, and this is one example. I think that has had a detrimental effect on your thinking, and I think using such wrong arguments will make the discussions you are having even more difficult.

    Best wishes.

    • M. Rodriguez says:

      advice taken… Just like internet discussions between atheists and christians, it is often best to ask questions, state your viewpoint mildly rather than strongly, only tackle the clearest issues and not the more problematic ones, etc.

  5. You are a brave, brave man.

  6. Ooh, that sounded a bit snarky. Wasn’t meant to be! I just meant that it’s a tricky area!

  7. aynway says:

    I have these sorts of conversations with old friends all the time, and they’re contentious enough. I couldn’t imagine having the same conversations with my wife…you ARE a brave man!

  8. Jimmy says:

    I would suspect that your wife is thinking that if you read the bible enough, you’ll “reconvert”. This is a good opportunity to “let” her see the ludicrousness of the bible. You might take a gentle approach though and just point out when something doesn’t make sense..

    @unklee, I’m guessing your basing his misunderstanding as compared to your own interpretation. Everyone has their own interpretation, that’s one of the problems with the bible and one of the indicators that it was in no way written by someone that should have been able to see the confusion that was going to be caused…

    • M. Rodriguez says:

      right now I’m just trying have her get used to the idea, that her husband is no longer a christian. But your right, she does hope and pray that I reconvert to christ.

  9. unklee says:

    “@unklee, I’m guessing your basing his misunderstanding as compared to your own interpretation.”
    Hi Jimmy. In this case, I was simply discussing the idea that people long ago had an “egotistical mindset” because they believed the earth was at the centre of the universe, when this is factually wrong – they thought the centre was the lowest place, not the most important. The historians have made that quite clear, and there is no interpretation required. I then suggested to him that he is mistaken about some other matters that he has based on what seems right rather than on facts.

    “Everyone has their own interpretation, that’s one of the problems with the bible and one of the indicators that it was in no way written by someone that should have been able to see the confusion that was going to be caused…”
    You have implicitly assumed here that the purpose of the Bible is to teach facts. That is part of its purpose (and it teaches those facts quite clearly), but I suggest its main purpose is something different. Jesus told parables (stories) to provoke people to decide whether they wanted to know the truth or not, and I think the Bible is a bit the same. God is looking for people who want to know the truth, not simply reward those with good reading comprehension. So the different interpretations are pretty much what I’d expect.

  10. Playing catch up…any further bible studies with the better half?

    • M. Rodriguez says:

      Probably never again…I’d be lying to you if I said things were getting better.

      I would say the odd part is she has become actually more spiritual and charasmatic. Spending more time in prayer.

      • Nate says:

        Ah, I don’t think that’s too strange. My wife and I have noticed that about our extended family. Your wife may never come around to your way of thinking, but I hope that within the next year or so you’re able to reach some sort of equilibrium.

      • M. Rodriguez says:

        But nate you know as well as I do. In Christianity and in your faith there is no common ground. There is no compromising

  11. unklee says:

    “I would say the odd part is she has become actually more spiritual and charasmatic. Spending more time in prayer.”
    I don’t think that’s odd either. If my wife or my child stopped believing in Jesus, I would pray also. (For what it’s worth, I pray for you too.)

    “In Christianity and in your faith there is no common ground. There is no compromising”
    Christians and non-believers have to compromise all the time – e.g at work, I had many non-christian friends, who respected my beliefs without sharing them. But it’s much harder in a marriage because the relationship is closer, and the sense of loss, even betrayal felt stronger. I think it would help you if you kept an open mind – rather than think that you’ve moved from error to truth, be open to the possibility that you are still on a journey towards truth.

    I hope you can both begin to understand each other better and find not so much a compromise as an understanding.

    • Nate says:

      I want to second this comment wholeheartedly. You must try to stay open-minded, if for no other reason than that you want her to be open-minded as well. But I also agree that an understanding of one another should be the primary goal, not a compromise. Sorry if my earlier comment gave the wrong impression. She may never approve of your current beliefs — that’s actually very understandable considering her position. But if you can accept and love one another regardless of your differences, then you can still have a very fulfilling marriage. In fact, you may end up with one that’s stronger than it was before. It takes work and patience to get to that point, but it’s possible.

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