For me personally and emotionally my-deconversion process would not have been so emotionally difficult had I not loved being a Christian. However the truth is I never hated my Christian experience or the Christian lifestyle. I actually thoroughly enjoyed it. I enjoyed being a youth leader, and working with the kids. I enjoyed reading my bible and theological conversation with the Misses and others. I enjoyed going to church every Sunday and Wednesday. I enjoy the Christian bonds with my friends and community. I enjoyed the beauty and love of being a Christian. I enjoyed it all. I was content in my delusion.
So the Question Everybody is Wondering: If you loved Christianity so much why not stay? Why Leave?
Cause it’s a LIE!!!. For me it was never just a question of ‘Does god Exist?‘ But more of “Is God Fact?” I believed God was fact, and blatantly real and that was how I lived my life. To some this may sound strange, but it was more than just belief. God was Fact, and his existence was part of my personal identity and the essence of my own personal existence. Being a Christian was who I was. I was a slave to a false reality. So how could I continue living and preaching a lie to others knowing the falsehood of this delusional lie.
And Christianity calls for more than just belief and going to church on Sundays. It calls for devotion. It requires of us, complete and utter mind-numbing life long devotion. As is preached by the church that we are to be a slave for Christ. That we are to serve him in mind, body, and soul. And if called or needed; -Martydom.
“And remember, if you were a slave when the Lord called you, you are now free in the Lord. And if you were free when the Lord called you, you are now a slave of Christ.” –1 Corinthians 7:22
I could no longer blindly follow a lie. I can no longer be a slave to a delusion.
A Simple Slave
By Bart Phillips
Life was simpler as a slave
Doing only my unseen master’s will, Devoting all my efforts to his work,
Trusting enigmatic promises made to me
More than a hundred generations ago
In foreign tongues no longer spoken.
“Sacred” texts of spurious origin
Tell me that I am truly loved—
They say that I am worthless, too!
They say that I can be truly free—
They tell me, too, I must yield myself To take up my “cross” and dumbly follow.
What kind of man would choose to make himself a slave?
How big a fool seeks wisdom for his life in ancient myth?
How silly is the notion that ages past found deeper truths?
Are love and purpose found in succumbing to a “jealous god”?
I refuse forever to be a simple slave
Forsaking the only thing I rightly own:
My limited life on this natural world.
No more! I claim myself for me,
To give my life and love to those I chose,
To live for what my reason says is right.