Content and Deluded

For me personally and emotionally my-deconversion process would not have been so emotionally difficult had I not loved being a Christian.  However the truth is I never hated my Christian experience or the Christian lifestyle.  I actually thoroughly enjoyed it.  I enjoyed being a youth leader, and working with the kids.  I enjoyed reading my bible and theological conversation with the Misses and others.  I enjoyed going to church every Sunday and Wednesday.  I enjoy the Christian bonds with my friends and community.  I enjoyed the beauty and love of being a Christian.  I enjoyed it all. I was content in my delusion.

So the Question Everybody is Wondering:  If you loved Christianity so much why not stay? Why Leave?

Cause it’s a LIE!!!.  For me it was never just a question of ‘Does god Exist?‘  But more of “Is God Fact?” I believed God was fact, and blatantly real and that was how I lived my life.  To some this may sound strange, but it was more than just belief.  God was Fact, and his existence was part of my personal identity and the essence of my own personal existence.  Being a Christian was who I was.  I was a slave to a false reality.  So how could I continue living and preaching a lie to others knowing the falsehood of this delusional lie.

And Christianity calls for more than just belief and going to church on Sundays.  It calls for devotion.   It requires of us, complete and utter mind-numbing life long devotion.  As is preached by the church that we are to be a slave for Christ.  That we are to serve him in mind, body, and soul.  And if called or needed; -Martydom.

 “And remember, if you were a slave when the Lord called you, you are now free in the Lord. And if you were free when the Lord called you, you are now a slave of Christ.” –1 Corinthians 7:22

I could no longer blindly follow a lie.  I can no longer be a slave to a delusion.


Life was simpler as a slave
Doing only my unseen master’s will, Devoting all my efforts to his work,
Trusting enigmatic promises made to me
More than a hundred generations ago
In foreign tongues no longer spoken.

“Sacred” texts of spurious origin
Tell me that I am truly loved—
They say that I am worthless, too!
They say that I can be truly free—
They tell me, too, I must yield myself To take up my “cross” and dumbly follow.

What kind of man would choose to make himself a slave?
How big a fool seeks wisdom for his life in ancient myth?
How silly is the notion that ages past found deeper truths?
Are love and purpose found in succumbing to a “jealous god”?

I refuse forever to be a simple slave
Forsaking the only thing I rightly own:
My limited life on this natural world.
No more! I claim myself for me,
To give my life and love to those I chose,
To live for what my reason says is right.

About M. Rodriguez

When I first received Christ salvation, I made it a priority to read the whole bible and I did. But it was the Bible that made me question my faith. For I found it flawed and lacking. Due to this I launched a personal inquiry/investigation into my faith, and ultimately realized that the Christian God of the Bible was indeed man-made. Now I Blog about those findings and life after Christ.
This entry was posted in belief, christ, christian fraud, church, deceived, fallacious, fraud, freedom, life, poetry, religion, skeptic, unbelief and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

23 Responses to Content and Deluded

  1. Alleg says:

    Great article!

  2. exrelayman says:

    Holy cow Marcus! ‘Spurious origin’! Have you no respect for Q, M, L, and who the heck knows what other stuff makes Jesus the most certain figure of history?

    Srsly, had never seen Phillip’s composition. You bring a lot of things I have never seen to my attention. Thanks.

  3. Yeah, the issue of truth was one of he big ones for my leaving Christianity. I could no longer enjoy the things that I enjoyed about being a Christian when I no longer believed the,. It was no longer a comfort to think about my loved ones being in heaven after they die, or my own eternity with god–I no longer believe in life after death OR god, why would those things be a comfort to me?

    Another huge issue for me was the things that Christianity teaches about morality. I can no longer stand hearing that the “homosexual lifestyle” is the cause of many of the world’s ills, is evil and a tool of satan, and will cause people to go to hell. I can no longer find enjoyment in a religion that tries to force women to not use birth control and then give them no option to end a pregnancy–even when it may threaten their own life or when it was the result of rape. I no longer wanted to be the part of something that tries to force schools to teach young earth nonsense, or “intelligent design” nonsense (which are one and the same, just a case of rebranding).

    Of course, at their heart those things are all issues of truth, so it’s still mostly a matter of it being a huge pile of lies.

  4. Brenda says:

    I LOVE this post Marcus and I LOVE that poem! Where did you find it?

    • M. Rodriguez says:

      I think it was on the recovering from religion website.

      • Brenda says:

        I keep thinking in that second-last line that it should be ‘choose’ not ‘chose.’ Was going to double-check it online but can’t find the poem anywhere.

        BTW – Can I just say how wonderful it is to see you doing posts about the freedom of leaving Christianity behind? I’m thinking back to when you first got in touch with me (I think early spring?) You’ve done so much work on your journey and come so far. It was your journey and your decision to make and we could only share our own stories with you. It’s a tough road and I’m happy that you’re already tasting the freedom.

        I also love the picture you put in the post. So wonderfully symbolic of what us ‘deconverted’ have experienced.

  5. Nate says:

    This was a great post — I COMPLETELY identify with it!

  6. Neil Rickert says:

    As a teenager, I participated in many Church activities, and found value in them.

    Later (late teens), I moved to a different location and joined a different congregation (same denomination). I never did engage as fully. Partly, I was now an undergraduate and was putting more time into my studies. My doubts were growing, but I did still regularly attend Church and a smaller number of activities.

    Still later, in my early twenties, I was a long way from home and studying at graduate school. I decided to attend a neighborhood Church, rather than one of the campus congregations. It was a very cold place. I never felt welcome. Soon after, my doubts grew to the point where I withdrew from religion.

    I’m not sure what would have happened if I felt welcomed by that Church. I probably would have continued for a while longer, though I think I would still have withdrawn after a while. By that time, I had already come to the view that churches were filled with pious hypocrites (I experienced some of that in all of the Churches that I had attended).

    For me, it was never a concern about contradictions. I accepted that the Bible had fallible human authors, and expected only the bigger picture to be true, but not the small details. What did concern me, is that I could find places where Jesus called himself “the son of man.” But I could never find clear evidence of his divinity. His references to “father” seemed to be metaphoric.

    I do still value the moral principles that I took Jesus to be teaching. And I can value those, whether or not there was a real Jesus.

    • M. Rodriguez says:

      its too bad u had such a bad experience, with the church. I’ve had some bad experiences, and some good ones. The church I still attend with my wife(on a semi-regular basis) is a pretty good church. Its not gossipy or political or backbiting or power hungry. The majority of people there I would say are solid people, with a high level of integrity.

  7. Don Hartness says:

    I wrote a response to de-converting Christians and atheists on my blog. It’s not a proof, or even a viable argument in the eyes of many, but it’s a response. At the risk of potentially brutal attacks, flaming, and scorn, I thought I would share it here, since I’ve been following your blog for a little while.

  8. ignorantianescia says:

    I can understand your thoughts on leaving your church and find it difficult to relate to the people why you left it now you don’t believe in Christianity anymore. It is (morally) good to value truth over personal comfort. We would of course disagree about to where truth points, but I think your priority is correct.

    About the poem, what I think it appeals to is the sense of freedom that is often felt after deconversions and conversions. I would not agree with it if I read it as a case against Christianity, but I hope I can understand the feelings behind it, the same emotions underlying many religious conversion accounts I think.

  9. Sylvia says:

    Thanks so much for this beautiful post. I can so identify with what you wrote.

  10. ... Zoe ~ says:
    I found Bart’s poem and other writing at the Recovering From Religion site.

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  14. arkenaten says:

    Great article, Marcus. This is freedom. Freedom to choose. And you chose right.

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