My One Year Journey

It has been a year since I have come out to my wife and pastor, that I am no longer a christian.  Really it has been an up and down emotional journey.  I have to admit in the beginning of my de-conversion I had alot more doubts.  Doubts on weather I was doing the right thing in coming out the atheist closet, Doubts on if I was really an atheist, Doubts on if I was wrong if God did not exist.

It was and is a time of re-learning all about Me.  Because for so long, I have been Christian Marcus, or Marcus the Christian.  That was how I identified myself to others.  Back then I wanted others to think I had a light and joy inside of me that came from knowing Jesus, so that I could tell them about it.

It is amazing how things have changed, but really the biggest change is me.  I have to admit I have distanced myself from the majority of my Christian friends, because what I have learned is without religion we really don’t have much in common.  And probably would have never been friends, if it wasn’t for our common faith.

I now live for the one life I will only have, and I have learned to embrace the little things, like a drive to and from work.  The smile and hug from my kids.  An old memory of some good times I had in the past.  I have learned that life is precious and that I should not waste it.  But I am still learning how not to waste it.  It’s only been one year, and have had made many mistakes and missteps in trying to overcome many of the emotional, physical, and mental obstacles; but the good thing about life is that -I will have many more years to get things right.

About M. Rodriguez

When I first received Christ salvation, I made it a priority to read the whole bible and I did. But it was the Bible that made me question my faith. For I found it flawed and lacking. Due to this I launched a personal inquiry/investigation into my faith, and ultimately realized that the Christian God of the Bible was indeed man-made. Now I Blog about those findings and life after Christ.
This entry was posted in atheist, christian, doubt, doubt faith, emotions, god, life, Musings for Life, religion, Where was God? and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to My One Year Journey

  1. aynway says:

    Friend, check out this link:
    You will find a fellow who’s going through what you’ve gone through over the past 12 months. Perhaps you will find some common ground.

    I was fortunate…when I realized that my faith was nonsense, I was not attached to a believing spouse. Not that my deconversion was easy, but at least I didn’t have to go through it with a partner.

    All the best to you. And remember, there are people around you who will offer support and advice.

    • M. Rodriguez says:

      I will check it out thanks aynway, I think for everybody, something like a deconversion is such a drastic change. I think it is really about how well the person handles it.

  2. MichaelB says:

    I could have written this exact same post after my first year. It stays tough but it does continue to get better. I raise a glass to you, sir. Slaínte!

  3. Nate says:

    I first started talking to my family about my changing beliefs a little over 3 years ago. I agree with Michael — things do get better. And I gotta say I’m really proud of how you’ve handled things. I was lucky enough to run across you when you were just beginning to question things. It’s been fascinating to see your transition, and your honest search for what’s true has been inspiring.

  4. Atheist Slut says:

    and you’re not alone. How did things fare when you told your wife?

  5. Arkenaten says:

    Chin up mate…the sun will still rise tomorrow. Count on it.

  6. aynway says:

    If you haven’t already, check out recent posts by “Daniel” at The two of you have much in common. All the best to you, sir!

  7. Christian Byers says:

    II Corinthians 5:7-8 “(For we walk by faith, not by sight:) We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord.” Confident and Willing…These 2 words are so often left out of the description of a life of faith and yet are so key to its existence in our lives. Without a confidence in God and a willingness in our hearts, it is next to impossible to have abiding faith in our Christian walk especially one that is lived by trust and not sight. We cannot always “see” God’s way; we often have to walk on in faith–trusting His promise to lead us. Do I really confidently believe in the power of God and the truth of His Word in my heart? Am I really willing to do whatever God wants me to do with my life and go wherever He wants me to go? I, like Paul, must be a Christian with a strong confidence in the existence and power of God and a true willingness to do what He wants in order to truly live my life by faith and not by sight.

  8. . The bible urges for “whosoever will to come.” People we are NOT the maker of heaven and earth here. We don’t have the final say over who gets to party beyond the pearly gates. My life and yours are on display. We all answer to how we live our lives. Are we kind to one another? Do we love as we have been loved by the Alpha and Omega? Do we honor our father(s) and mother(s)? Do we care for the orphans and widows? Are we are best self in times when it was the hardest to do so? Do we respect our elders? Do we get road rage with a “Jesus loves me” or your favorite Christian music station sticker on our back window? Do you follow the laws of the land when nobody is watching? When you are hurting and vulnerable, you don’t really care whose hand helps you up. Some of the times in my life when I need love the most, the hands that were being Jesus-with-skin-on belonged to homosexuals or wiccans or agnostics or atheists. They scooped me up and spoke life in my dark places. God can use the most unlikely individuals and/or situations to be your salt and light. What’s my point? I don’t care if you are homosexual, transgender or a traditionalist. I am not your judge. I don’t care what you do behind closed doors, as long as you are hurting someone else (that would include yourself).I care how you treat those around you. I have just as much of an opportunity to walk on streets of gold as the human on the other side of the room. It doesn’t matter what my comfort level is with how you live your life. If you respect me, I’ll respect you. Period. End of story. See you in Heaven (if you so choose).

  9. Pingback: Stories of Faith & De-Conversion | The BitterSweet End

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s