It has been a year since I have come out to my wife and pastor, that I am no longer a christian. Really it has been an up and down emotional journey. I have to admit in the beginning of my de-conversion I had alot more doubts. Doubts on weather I was doing the right thing in coming out the atheist closet, Doubts on if I was really an atheist, Doubts on if I was wrong if God did not exist.
It was and is a time of re-learning all about Me. Because for so long, I have been Christian Marcus, or Marcus the Christian. That was how I identified myself to others. Back then I wanted others to think I had a light and joy inside of me that came from knowing Jesus, so that I could tell them about it.
It is amazing how things have changed, but really the biggest change is me. I have to admit I have distanced myself from the majority of my Christian friends, because what I have learned is without religion we really don’t have much in common. And probably would have never been friends, if it wasn’t for our common faith.
I now live for the one life I will only have, and I have learned to embrace the little things, like a drive to and from work. The smile and hug from my kids. An old memory of some good times I had in the past. I have learned that life is precious and that I should not waste it. But I am still learning how not to waste it. It’s only been one year, and have had made many mistakes and missteps in trying to overcome many of the emotional, physical, and mental obstacles; but the good thing about life is that -I will have many more years to get things right.