Last Month I turned thirty, The Big 3-0….WOW.
And I completed two years of blogging.
I have to admit that since I no longer believe in God and lost my religion. I find my life much more refreshing, but also at times much more mentally & emotionally challenging at times. What I mean by that, is that I have learned to relax and enjoy life more, knowing that I only have one know. (YOLO!!!) To enjoy the little things in life. However before I became a non-believer; church and prayer were used as stress reliever and a kinda placebo effect in making me feel better. But now that placebo is gone, I have to learn with dealing with stress head on.
I sometimes wonder how does someone who is 40 or 50 handle their de-conversion. Do they feel like they missed out on life? Do they get the feeling that they wasted their life? Cause I surely do feel that way sometimes. I sometimes feel, that all that energy I have used doing countless hours of ministry work and going to church and praying. I could’ve have actually done something with that time, that would have helped me out in my career. That is probably the one regret I think about the most now. That if it wasn’t for my religion & my faith, I could have been much farther in my career and developing career skillset. That is something I constantly think of. Well maybe I shouldn’t stress out about it too much, cause I do have my family and two beautiful kids. So I guess I’ll mark that down in the win column. And since de-converting, I have decided to take back control of my life and live it & enjoy it.
Last month, my wife and I we went to a special church service where they were doing a baby dedication. It was at a friend of ours church. This church is much more charismatic then the church we go to. I don’t remember the fine details of the message, (I admit now whenever I go to church, I almost always tune out the message.) But I do remember thinking to myself, That this was crap. The whole morning, the whole message, and the whole service. I could’ve have been just as productive sitting on the couch watching T.V. And my wife new I was irritated by these overly charismatic messages, cause they seem so much like group-think and a show. That it is expected of you to scream, shout, and clap. (And sometimes fall out) I usually feel very uncomfortable in that environment cause I don’t mind faking it in church, as long as the only I have to do is stand, sit and clap. But in these environment, sometimes that’s not good enough. So on the way home, Mrs. Rodriguez asked me how was service? and what I thought of it.
And at first I tried to keep my cool, but I couldn’t. I went off on a tangent of everything I thought of that service and every other church service. I told her I thought it was crap, the whole thing was crap, and nothing but the crap from beginning to end. In fact, I felt like I was wasting my time going to church. I would be more productive looking at a wall. And told her I no longer will be going to church.
—-So I now spend my Sundays starring at the wall. (J/K). No just joking. I usually spend it grilling some food. It is much more relaxing and productive than going to church.