Dear Zubin, (Part I)

Growing up in New Jersey, My best friend was a somewhat short American-Indian kid named Zubin with a noticeable amount of acne.  We would hang out everyday, I would spend countless weekends at his house.  

If my mom wanted to know where I was. she would just simply call Zubin’s mom.  We were nothing alike, similarities were not the bonds of our friendship.  Goofiness, Dirty Jokes, and Respect were.  (Actually it was my sister, he really liked my sister and dated my sister for a while and that is how we became friends.  The other three came later after him and my sister broke up.)  

In all my life, I have never had a friend as close as Zubin.

It was when I went away to college that I found Jesus, and dedicated my life to the Lord.  It was because I had this personal relationship with Jesus, I wanted to tell everyone about my personal relationship with Jesus.  And how if they gave their life over to Christ like I had, they too could have the same feeling of hope, joy, and salvation like I had.

I didn’t have religion, -I had a relationship and I wanted everyone to know.

That summer I came home after I had given my life over to Christ & God, I wanted to tell my best friend about Jesus, and how he could have a personal relationship with Jesus.  And we could all be best of friends.  Me, Him and Jesus.  It did not go as well as I expected.

I remember when I first gave my life over to God, the ministry I was in told me that when you are a christian you can’t be friends with everyone.  You can’t break bread with everyone.  That some friendships could be a danger to your relationship with Jesus.  And because of that you can’t be friends with everyone, and you may or will have to let certain friendships go in order to help preserve your relationship with Jesus.  I believed them.  They never told me who I couldn’t be friends with.  But almost all of them had a story of when they got saved, of how they had to cutoff certains friendships for one reason or another. [I.E.  The friend did not respect their relationship with God, the friend wanted to do things they felt was sinful like clubbing and drinking. etc…]

I knew I had certain old friends that I couldn’t be friends with, because all they did was go to the club and chase the skirt.  And as a christian I couldn’t and I didn’t want to do that anymore.  But I still wanted to keep my friendship with Zubin.  After all he was my best friend.

Halfway through the summer the tension between us blew into an argument.  We had never ever argued before, much less passionately disagree.  We both said some hurtful things…That I wish I didn’t remember.  That was about 9 years ago.  Since then we have talked on occasion, by phone.  In fact four years ago, while on vacation he came down to visit me and my wife.  We weren’t the best of host.  We tried to evangelize to him again.  I could tell we had grown apart.  The tension was still there.  That was the last time I saw him.

Nine years ago, I had a choice to make.  I had to choose my relationship of my Best Friend or my relationship with Jesus Christ my personal lord and savior.  I made the wrong choice, and I still regret that decision today.

About M. Rodriguez

When I first received Christ salvation, I made it a priority to read the whole bible and I did. But it was the Bible that made me question my faith. For I found it flawed and lacking. Due to this I launched a personal inquiry/investigation into my faith, and ultimately realized that the Christian God of the Bible was indeed man-made. Now I Blog about those findings and life after Christ.
This entry was posted in christ, confusion, deceived, deconversion, destruction, emotions, god, jesus, jesus the christ, life, message, Philosophy for Life and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to Dear Zubin, (Part I)

  1. makagutu says:

    This quite a sad reflection.
    I think the person who said if we love gods too much, we have none left for our neighbors and there is not enough love to go around

  2. unkleE says:

    I feel sad about it too Marcus. You would think your christian ‘teachers’ would have suggested you remain friends in hope of converting him!

    • M. Rodriguez says:

      they did encourage that, but that in itself, is one of the reasons there was a strain in our friendship. Which is what I talk about in part 2 of this story. That one of the reasons, our friendship suffered was because of me trying to convert/change him. When in his ideas he didn’t need to change/convert. And didn’t want. And it was emotionally tearing on our relationship, because the basis of our friendship was Goofiness, Dirty Jokes, and Respect. And when you take two of these things out of friendship, there is not much for your friendship to stand on.

      • unkleE says:

        Yes. I don’t suggest you should have continued the friendship merely for that reason, but their attitude is still surprising. I have said it before, institutional christianity seems to be quite different in the US to in Australia.

      • M. Rodriguez says:

        It is. American christianity is much more fundamentalist amd rqdical. More about what you believe. Where christianity in other countires I would as more moderate and liberal. That christianity in america is more about what you believe and beliveing in the right thing. Where as christinaity in other parrts is more living the right way and being a better and selfless person.

  3. It’s too late to go back, but it’s never too late to go forward. Send this message (and part 2 when you write it) to Zubin. Give him the opportunity to reflect on your change of heart and reply in his own way.

    I had a best friend all through high school and college. We were inseparable. As we found our own places in this world, our differences brought about the abrupt and harsh end of our friendship. I rebuffed 2 advances on her part later on because “you just can’t go back.” But 9 years after the end of our friendship, the idea of “going forward” made it’s way to my mind and I approached her. Our new friendship isn’t the same as it once was, but it’s nice to have each other again.

    I hope that you and your friend can find your way to the same place.

  4. Arkenaten says:

    As is patently obvious, ultimately religion divides: friends, family, nations.the world.
    Every religion cannot be right, but they sure can all be wrong

  5. I regret the friends I have lost while I was “committed” to my faith. Hopefully, you’ll get the chance to speak these words to your friend.

    Best wishes for a new start with Zubin.

  6. Sulema says:

    If you had a “relationship” with God you would know Jesus hanged out with the outcast come on one of his followers was a p the 12 apostle weren’t angels when the first meet Jesus they were rebels in their own right Thomas was a doubter, Simon was zealots he started riots and revolts against the Romans, Matthew was tax collectors. So you see you hang with shouldn’t change your relationship with God that church is wrong so go get your friend you might have your differences but put that aside try to understand him and ask him to understand you you never you might change his mind, I have 3 atheist friend and a whole bunch of gay ones a church told me I should stop talking to them too so I know were your coming stay away from them look for answers Jesus says don’t judge you can have 2 relationships
    Later that day, Jesus and his followers ate at Levi’s house. There were also many tax collectors and others with bad reputations eating with them. (There were many of these people who followed Jesus.) When some teachers of the law who were Pharisees saw Jesus eating with such bad people, they asked his followers, “Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?” When Jesus heard this, he said to them, “It is the sick people who need a doctor, not those who are healthy. I did not come to invite good people. I came to invite sinners.” Mark 2:15-17

  7. Pingback: Dear Zubin (Part II) | The BitterSweet End

  8. Sophia says:

    Reading this is in a lot of ways what happened to me and the love of my life…My sweetheart of 5 years… we had fun together, got along and have so much i common with like and dislikes and so much more between us ! I in this case am like Zubin now….I have no faith or interest in the Christian God/bible as I feel it is dangerous and fake and if real very insane and sick. My man was the Native American ( 100% Pueblo..Hopi etc..) He rejected me over his relationship with Jesus ( who he doesn’t even follow much ,go to church or study the bible and as for sex before marriage has absolutely no problem with and in fact rather be with someone who is willing to not wait !) His church at a young age taught him a lot of nonsense also…like being with a non- Christian that was wrong, wrong, wrong ! Well here I am a good woman who treated him better than all his ex’s who were Christians and cheated on him and were into nasty pornographic fact I non-Christian was more Christian than him or his Christian ex’s !
    Never the less hear I am in deep hurt and regret that this religion broke us up and destroyed our relationship which we enjoyed together ! The reason the church does not want their converts to be with anyone non -Christian is because that would make them think regarding their religion and have questions and doubts…because their eyes might open and there would be less control over that individual ! Isolate the individual to only those who think the same ! Keep them from having all cards out on the table to make a decision based on facts and logic ! That is the way they control and keep them trapped in blindness to reality ! I will regret my loss all my life and never forget will always hurt and time does not heal all things or make you forget ! That is a lie !
    I cannot pray ( no God at all.. or no good god) that he opens his eyes to the truth and comes out of this crazy stuff….all I can do is hope ! He once hoped that someone would love him for who he is and be faithful to him….well he had that 100% over and this religion caused him to throw it all away ! I am sure some Christian woman will hurt him again someday ! I hope he remembers than what he threw away ! I see it a a Label/name only ( Christian)…..really what is inside is what should count… that is what I had..the great insides but without a Label or name……

  9. Sophia says:

    Yes I agree with the person above…..send your story to your friend Zubin and let him see what you have learned and been through and how much you regret your past decision ….if you guys were truly best friends he will never have forgotten that even this day ! Try it please ! Don’t let that friendship did appear forever with out a fight to save it ! As my story above.. I would do anything to save my relationship ! This is making my cry !

    • M. Rodriguez says:

      well I thank you for your comments and words Sophia. I’ve tried to find my old friend, but he no longer uses the same phone number or his facebook. I’ve contemplated tracking him down through his mom, because she is easy to find online, but that is because she is a high level executive at some major not-for-profit organization. So I’m thinking about it, but i have not decided yet.

      i am sorry to hear about the lost of relationship with your companion and friend. But what I have found uplifting in my deconversion is that I have found it easier to make friends now. I no longer have to judge and choose friends on what they believe or not believe, but on the character and their friendship. I will now choose friends based on how loving they are, not by what church they go to. I will now choose friends based on how giving they are, not on how much scripture they know. I will now choose friends on their character as a person, not on a confession of faith.

      So even though i have lost a friend, I know one day, because I am better friend now….that one day my friendship may comeback because I am a better person now and if it doesn’t that i will have much more friends and better friends in the future. Cause I am now a friendlier person.

      Don’t Cry…. But Smile in that Hope…

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