The First part of this post can be found here.
I didn’t understand why Zubin did not want a relationship with God. Who wouldn’t want a relationship with Jesus? Who wouldn’t want a deeper understanding of God? Who wouldn’t want God’s glorious hand of salvation, love, and fellowship? To me salvation in Christ was a hope and joy that he needed. That everybody needed…. Or so I thought
But my Best friend Zubin felt contrary to my belief and understanding. He felt like he didn’t need God at all. I did not understand. It wasn’t until after I de-converted did I gain insight and understanding as to why Zubin was so hostile to God or at-least the notion of God.
Zubin was born with a rare deficiency in his body where his body did not produce enough potassium. So he was constantly sick when he was very young. On top of that, this led to him being shorter than most and being short in middle school is never a good thing. He couldn’t play sports, because he had have a tube implanted into his stomach for the first 20 something years of his life because he had to intake so much nutrients and medication, that the most efficient way to get all that stuff into his body was to it pump directly into his stomach everyday and sometimes twice a day.
It was only after Zubin took control of his life did his health start to improve. He started Brazilian Martial Arts as hobby to improve his health. But it did more than improve his health. It improved the quality & essence of his life and it improved his self-confidence. After a period of intense physical training in his new life activity. He no longer needed the tube in his stomach. It was removed. He no longer needed to 20 medications everyday, he was down to just a hand full of medications. And from the perspective of Zubin’s eye; why did he need God when he had the strength within himself to change his life for the better. Why in the world should he hold any emotions of hope towards Go? Zubin had been on the brink of death several times throughout the course of his life and it wasn’t God that got him through those situations. It was the strength within himself that kept him going forward. So as to my original question as to why did Zubin not want a relationship with God? BECAUSE HE DID NOT NEED God, and knew within himself that self-determination was a much better Hope than this Jesus that I was selling him.
It was only after de-converting, did I realize and possibility understand Zubin’s hostility to God. He did not need God. He could do it all by himself. And he did do it all by himself.
I have not heard nor talked to Zubin in nearly four years. He is a personal trainer now. I’ve tried to call him, but his old phone number is disconnected. It appears he no longer checks his Facebook. I tried to Google him, but still nothing.
It’s only now after learning about the de-conversion of Daniel Everett, how erroneous my thinking was. When Everett went into the Amazonian rain forest to evangelize to them to tell them about his personal relationship and friendship with Jesus, they asked him several questions a normal person should be able to answer when they have a personal relationship with someone. “Is this Jesus tall or Short?” “Is this Jesus dark-skin or fair-skin like you?” He could only reply, that he never actually met Jesus face-to-face, that in fact nobody he even knows has ever met Jesus. It was then did he come to the realization, that he did not have personal relationship with Jesus. He had never really known this Jesus at all. He was really just re-telling a story about a man that someone told him. And so did I also come to this same realization.
In truth. I want to apologize to him, I want to apologize for making the wrong choice all those years ago, and not being a friend.